Cleftolings Fall 2015


The Cleftomaniacs have finally ended their year-long dry spell with the addition of a fresh, hot and ready-to-go batch of newbies! We are thrilled to announce that we have added two new members to our ranks this semester: Freshamn soprano Amy Folkerts and Freshman bass/tenor/alto/soprano WillKeira, we welcome you with open and probably slightly intimidating arms! Initially, we had taken WillKeira under the impression that it was two different people, but this notion was quickly disproved by the two-headed creature when we found ourselves immediately entirely unable to separate them from one another. Already, returning members sweetly reminisce about seeing the reactions of the Cleftolings when they initially discovered that they had been welcomed to the group, with Freshman Amy Folkerts reportedly swelling up with excitement to the point of floating around the room like a balloon, and Freshman WillKeira attempting to close the door while instructing their roomate to "get the window open and drop down the escape ladder."

Now that we've had some time to get to know our new members a litte better though we can assure you that they are Cleftos through and through. Will O'Neely (the bass/tenor half of the WillKeira beast) tentatively and bashfully revealed to us that he was adopted, but he has yet to mention it since then so we haven't pushed the subject. The bouncy, lively optimist Amy Folkerts had a similar confession along the lines of "I have no idea what's going on, at all, ever!" to which we responded of course by harrassing her until she explained that we were "so deprived of actual affection that we had turned to a stunted middle-school level of social interaction in order to manifest the illusion of companionship in our minds" after which she smiled like an adorable chikadee and exclaimed "I love to bake cakes!" causing everyone to forget whatever it was had come out before then and fawn over her. Keira McCarthy (the other half of the beast) was caught telling everyone in the group that they were 'the group enigma' in order to make them feel self-important and therefore respond more positively towards her out of a craving for more validation of their non-existant uniqeuness, but she was quickly able to shield herself by suggesting that everyone did body pump at the rec together for 'fun bonding times' at which point director Tiger Ricchetti went into a frenzied state of friendship bonding and dropped all of his classes so that he could spend more time with the newbies.

Sophomore Sarah Tompson is reported to have so far muttered approximately eighty-four accounts of the phrase "too real."


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